Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dicks are not precious.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
