my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
