Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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