I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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