ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
