That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
