dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My pussy is not your playground.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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