I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
