I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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