I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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