Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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