He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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