After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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