You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
