textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize