Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
