i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
