I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize