i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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