I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So vagazzling was a success
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
