who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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