dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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