so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
