My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
