It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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