I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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