I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
