Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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