Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
