Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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