Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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