Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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