I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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