Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize