glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
