i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
