Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
