All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
