just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
