so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize