His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
