She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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