ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
