I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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