I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
