apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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