um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
