I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
