...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
