i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
