Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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