Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
