Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
