worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize