you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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