You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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