Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize