I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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