If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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