ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
