I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
