Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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