im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
