oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
