? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
wakey wakey hands off snakey
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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