I wish I could punch you in the face.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
