he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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