i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
