I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
