I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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