She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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