I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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