I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
