Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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