I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
