I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
