we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
