he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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