he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You have to summon your inner elephant
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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