I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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