so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
