I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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