What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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