My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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