plz talk dirty to me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize