Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
