No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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