Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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