oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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