Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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