I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well most of my day revolves around power hour
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i believe in u and ur pee
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
