i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
