im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
